-Reeve Lindberg and Richard Brown, View from the Kingdom
Well, here's hoping. And now on to this week's news.
Behavior and Development Series, Part III: Coaching Children Means Clear and Compassionate Communication
You'll have to forgive the rather alliterative title, but all of those words were incredibly accurate! If you've been reading over the last few weeks, you'll remember we focused on understanding some of the developmental milestones that can account for a variety of different "challenging" or "testing" behaviors. Then, we identified some of the social and emotional skills children need as they enter their school age years and progress into adulthood. In the final part of this series, the discussion points to what we as adults can do to help guide and coach children in their toddler and preschool years.
One important consideration on this topic is the individual nature of the child. These suggestions on "coaching" are based on both research and experience, but when it comes down to it, they are no substitute for understanding just who your child is right now. That is a major piece of the puzzle when it comes to providing support for a child's challenging behaviors. It might seem implicit, but the more you know about a child, the better you can set them up to successful. This is just one of the reasons our teachers spend so much time fostering quality relationships with each of the children. Spending time in play with your children, as well as observing them in the slow and unhurried moments of the day can give a real depth of understanding when it comes to deciphering the personalities, interests, and emotions of these young people.
A book we've been thinking about recently is called, Is it a Big Problem or a Little Problem? When to Worry, When not to Worry, and What to Do. The team of authors behind this book come from backgrounds in education, speech therapy, and behavior management. They have researched and identified a short and simple list that helps to create an ideal environment for young children, but more than that, it focuses on a few tenants of quality communication with young children, and why those methods work. Here's a brief overview*:
1. Plan Thoughtful Transitions: Transitions can be a hot spot for children, and behavior problems arise frequently during times of transition, and why shouldn't they? Transitions are hard. The expectations change quickly, oftentimes without ample explanation and time. A compassionate way to ease the struggle of transitions is to slow down, and warn the child ahead of time, exactly what is going to happen with clear language. "We're going to go in for dinner in a few minutes." You can even remind the child of what the expectations will be as they transition, "And when we get inside, we will need to wash our hands and set the table."
2. Set Limits: Children need adults to set the limits. So then why do they test and push? To bump up against that limit to see exactly where it is. By setting limits, we help the child make sense of the world around them, and when they go past the limit, it's important to explain what about their behavior went too far and why. Though it may seem counter intuitive, saying "No" can be one of the most compassionate statements an adult can have for a child. With a clear limit comes reassurance and security.
3. Use Simple Language: In Part I of this series, we talked about the complexity of a meltdown. When a child, (or any of us) is in meltdown mode, we don't process information the same way as when we are clear headed. We're not completely capable of hearing or operating at our peak. Simple, repetitive language in a calm voice is about the best way to talk to an overly upset child. An example, "You need a calm body." Yelling "Stop it!" across the room only ramps the situation up, as young children mirror what they see. Simple language is just as important outside of a meltdown scenario. Being clear and direct leaves less room for interpretation and allows the child to better understand the expectations.
4. Be Consistent: Because young children are finding their way in the world, they are experimenting with behaviors and looking at the outcomes. At the end of an exhausting day, when patience might be at an all time low, a lack of follow through or inconsistency from an adult teaches the child that their particular negative behavior turned out to be effective in getting them what they wanted. And if their behavior works even once in a while, it's more likely they will try again. So, adults should strive to say what they mean and mean what they say. Follow through = the golden ticket
Within these tips there is plenty of room for one's own parenting style, cultural preferences and traditions, and again, appreciation for the child as an individual. Additionally, when both home and school are able to provide similar supports for the child, the hope is that consistency builds their understanding of acceptable versus unacceptable ways of acting in our society.
We hope you've enjoyed this series, and encourage you to ask questions and seek support if needed. We're here to help and we're only a call, email or visit away.
*Summarized from Chapter 21, pages 25-27 of Is it a Big Problem or a Little Problem? When to Worry, When not to Worry, and What to Do.
Classroom Happenings
Infant I: The infants had some special art time this week as they mixed paints together in plastic baggies to concoct a variety of colors. The children who could lift themselves up were able to play with the colors, and many of them laughed at the sight and feel of the paint. The baggies are hanging up in the downstairs windows and look at little like sun catchers.
Infant II: The Infant II room has welcomed a new classmate, and all are working as a community to help him feel at home and become adjusted to his new routine. The older children have had a recent explosion of language, and are sounding out letters and practicing enunciating when they speak. The teachers are using corresponding signs to keep communication flowing between older and younger kids. New sleds on the front playground have been very popular, and we are doing a nice job taking turns riding around and pulling one another.
Toddler I: So many 2 year olds! We had two more birthdays this week, bringing our class to 5 two year olds out of 8. As the playground has become slippery, the children have worked on walking and sliding on the ice. With the snow melting from the trees, the pine cones have become more visible, and we can now see where the pine cones have traveled from to get to the ground. In the classroom, we have a new play kitchen, which has been THE spot to be. The sink and sprayer have proved especially interesting.
Toddler II: The children are looking forward to welcoming Holli back after her time away. This week, the children investigated soapy water in the sensory table, and later in the week voted to replace it with rice and beans. The class has been working hard to talk to their friends instead of crying, whining or screaming when they become upset. Favorite books this week included the literary classic, Green Eggs and Ham and Stephen Huneck's Sally Get a Job.
Pre-K: The children of Pre-K ushered in the Vernal Equinox with the construction of spring crowns and talk of all things new. As was the theme of our above article, the children pushed to experience the limits with a trip to the library that provided for some revisiting of the rules and expectations. They capped off their week with a successful visit to one of our favorite backyard sliding hills as the snow turned slick.
As Seen At MVS
Thanks For Reading
Looking forward to seeing you on the playground, muddy children, here we come!
-Sam