Green Up Day
Yesterday afternoon we spent a little time "greening up" the area surrounding school. We want to impart to the children the importance of going through the world with both kindness and gentleness. This extends to the environment around us, as our actions impact both the landscape and the people who live here. The simple act of picking up litter can spark conversations that relate to empathy, community, and service. We hope you continue these conversations with your children at home this Green Up Day!
Happy Mother's Day
We want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all and hope you enjoy the day with your families (all while soaking up tons of appreciation). Yay Moms!
Helping Children Navigate Conflict
A few weeks ago several teachers attended a training at the Lamoille Family Center called "Helping Children Resolve Conflicts and Manage Anger." The training was presented by local author and presenter Scott Noyes. A lot of his work focuses on using brain science and child development to understand behavior. Scott's talk certainly got me to thinking about the role that adults can/do/and maybe should not play in helping children through conflict resolution.
It's really important to note that upon even thinking about the word "conflict" many people's haunches go up, myself included. Conflict is, generally speaking, not something that most adults and children enjoy. Experiencing and working through conflict however, is exceptionally meaningful. According to Noyes, " Valuable lifelong lessons are learned from childhood disputes. Helping children learn to disagree is a skill many of us have never been exposed to." I couldn't agree more, but I do recognize the social and cultural hurdles placed in front of us which prevent us from effectively supporting children in this arena. An example of this? Think of two children arguing over a toy. They pull back and forth, they yell at one another. They shed tears. It's all very dramatic isn't it? A common adult reaction to this is to shut it down: "Stop fighting!" or, "Be nice!" But what's the goal here? Is it to stop the yelling and upset feelings as quickly as possible? Oftentimes, yes. But in doing so, the children get vague messages and miss out on the opportunity to build skills and emotional fluency. Although unpleasant, conflict is important and serves a purpose. So, what to do? I like to think of the quote by infant specialist Magda Gerber, "Do less, observe more."
When I see children experiencing conflict, my first step is to stay close and watch carefully. What is happening to their voices? Their faces? Are their cheeks turning red? Teeth clenching? Observing children and sticking close helps allow them time to try to work out the issue at hand without immediate adult interference, being nearby is also key in case the situation becomes unsafe or needs some mediation. This is hard to do. Watching a child in conflict to the point of tears when we (think we) have the solution seems somehow void of compassion. I'd challenge that. Trusting in the children's capabilities and giving them the space to feel the feelings and try to fix it themselves can be a pretty loving and empowering experience. That said, again, it would be irresponsible to let children get aggressive and out of control with each other. My thought here is simply to just take a breath and look at the situation and wait before leaping. The children get the chance to resolve a conflict and you likely come away with more information about what is going on.
When it's clear that some adult assistance is needed, it can be helpful to think of yourself as a mediator instead of a fixer. They are the fixers, and you just help them get there. Some language adults can use to start the "mediation" process can be phrases like this:
"Let's stop. What's happening?"
"What is the problem?"
"You seem upset. What is making you so upset?"
Those last two there involve a little more labeling of the situation and are a tad less open-ended, but can be helpful when it's clear that there IS in fact a problem and that people ARE upset. Naming these things is okay and using more specific language, especially with younger children can help bring focus to figuring things out. Then, listen and acknowledge what the child is telling you. "So, you were playing with that truck and she took it away?" The other child might have a difference of opinion, and should express themselves too, even if you saw the child take the truck in question. They may have had their reasons, and we don't know them by making assumptions or projecting our own understandings onto them. Once both parties have expressed themselves, the next step is trying to solve the problem. And the start of this could be as simple as" "What should we do?"
You might be surprised to hear all of the creative and wonderful ways that children come up with to get their needs met in a situation like this! For instance, I've heard children suggest ideas like, "I could ask to play with it when he's done." "I could play in the sandbox by myself." "We could build something together." "We could put the truck away." And again, depending on the situation and the ages of the children involved, a little more or less prompting might need to happen, but again, try to avoid the wide net of, "Hey, why don't you just do this!" Making some gentle suggestions for the kids to consider/or throw away gives them the agency to choose and again, work to fix it themselves.
Finally, I like to ask if the children are okay before we take off into our next adventure. Sometimes we hug it out. This last piece is like that contractual handshake: "Do you agree to the terms of this agreement we just made?" Great...that was tricky, but we got through it, let's go play.
Other things to think about in helping children navigate conflict include the following:
And for more reading on this topic, check out a recent blog post by Janet Lansbury. Her article is a helpful one, although not entirely focused on conflict resolution so much as it gets at generally supporting toddlers in social situations.
Classroom Happenings
Infant I: It feels like our younger infants are reaching new milestones weekly. With more movement and crawling, we are seeing a real burst in the socialization between peers. The older children are practicing more with following directions in getting ready to go outdoors or come inside. Many are helping one another in the process, bringing boots and coats over to peers. Songs and singing are still another area of high interest.
Infant II: We are focusing on the "big four" in our classroom: 1. Walking feet inside, 2. Hands to ourselves, 3. Inside voices in the classroom, and 4. Pick up after ourselves. We have been enjoying dancing outdoors, especially some waltzing. We have plenty of children trying out the potty, many with success! The children have been very watchful of their older peers during time out back, they watch their play and adventures carefully.
Toddler I: We continued our exploration of caterpillars and butterflies this week. We are collecting flexible sticks and materials to make a large butterfly model for our room. We read the book, If You Find a Rock and collected a variety of smaller stones and pebbles. We have been challenging ourselves with harder puzzles, and have been really working on our potty skills. Lots of us are in various phases of wearing underwear, or sitting on the potty.
Toddler II: Keep those house photos coming! The children love talking about the houses. We've been working with watercolor a lot this week and are very focused on mixing colors, cleaning our brushes properly and using different strokes on the paper. We started seeds this week for our school garden including sunflowers and purple pole beans and also planted a hanging basket for out front.
Pre-K: We've been very interested in reading different versions of Jack and the Beanstalk. The children have been doing some dramatic explorations of the story with some talented actors and puppeteers. We are now sprouting beans in our classroom and recording our observations. We are also noticing a lot of spring changes: flowers, bugs, worms and returning birds. On Monday, Kindergarten teachers visited graduating Pre-K students, and we are looking forward to our visit on May 23rd.
As Seen at MVS
Thanks for Reading
-Sam
Yesterday afternoon we spent a little time "greening up" the area surrounding school. We want to impart to the children the importance of going through the world with both kindness and gentleness. This extends to the environment around us, as our actions impact both the landscape and the people who live here. The simple act of picking up litter can spark conversations that relate to empathy, community, and service. We hope you continue these conversations with your children at home this Green Up Day!
Happy Mother's Day
We want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all and hope you enjoy the day with your families (all while soaking up tons of appreciation). Yay Moms!
Helping Children Navigate Conflict
A few weeks ago several teachers attended a training at the Lamoille Family Center called "Helping Children Resolve Conflicts and Manage Anger." The training was presented by local author and presenter Scott Noyes. A lot of his work focuses on using brain science and child development to understand behavior. Scott's talk certainly got me to thinking about the role that adults can/do/and maybe should not play in helping children through conflict resolution.
It's really important to note that upon even thinking about the word "conflict" many people's haunches go up, myself included. Conflict is, generally speaking, not something that most adults and children enjoy. Experiencing and working through conflict however, is exceptionally meaningful. According to Noyes, " Valuable lifelong lessons are learned from childhood disputes. Helping children learn to disagree is a skill many of us have never been exposed to." I couldn't agree more, but I do recognize the social and cultural hurdles placed in front of us which prevent us from effectively supporting children in this arena. An example of this? Think of two children arguing over a toy. They pull back and forth, they yell at one another. They shed tears. It's all very dramatic isn't it? A common adult reaction to this is to shut it down: "Stop fighting!" or, "Be nice!" But what's the goal here? Is it to stop the yelling and upset feelings as quickly as possible? Oftentimes, yes. But in doing so, the children get vague messages and miss out on the opportunity to build skills and emotional fluency. Although unpleasant, conflict is important and serves a purpose. So, what to do? I like to think of the quote by infant specialist Magda Gerber, "Do less, observe more."
When I see children experiencing conflict, my first step is to stay close and watch carefully. What is happening to their voices? Their faces? Are their cheeks turning red? Teeth clenching? Observing children and sticking close helps allow them time to try to work out the issue at hand without immediate adult interference, being nearby is also key in case the situation becomes unsafe or needs some mediation. This is hard to do. Watching a child in conflict to the point of tears when we (think we) have the solution seems somehow void of compassion. I'd challenge that. Trusting in the children's capabilities and giving them the space to feel the feelings and try to fix it themselves can be a pretty loving and empowering experience. That said, again, it would be irresponsible to let children get aggressive and out of control with each other. My thought here is simply to just take a breath and look at the situation and wait before leaping. The children get the chance to resolve a conflict and you likely come away with more information about what is going on.
When it's clear that some adult assistance is needed, it can be helpful to think of yourself as a mediator instead of a fixer. They are the fixers, and you just help them get there. Some language adults can use to start the "mediation" process can be phrases like this:
"Let's stop. What's happening?"
"What is the problem?"
"You seem upset. What is making you so upset?"
Those last two there involve a little more labeling of the situation and are a tad less open-ended, but can be helpful when it's clear that there IS in fact a problem and that people ARE upset. Naming these things is okay and using more specific language, especially with younger children can help bring focus to figuring things out. Then, listen and acknowledge what the child is telling you. "So, you were playing with that truck and she took it away?" The other child might have a difference of opinion, and should express themselves too, even if you saw the child take the truck in question. They may have had their reasons, and we don't know them by making assumptions or projecting our own understandings onto them. Once both parties have expressed themselves, the next step is trying to solve the problem. And the start of this could be as simple as" "What should we do?"
You might be surprised to hear all of the creative and wonderful ways that children come up with to get their needs met in a situation like this! For instance, I've heard children suggest ideas like, "I could ask to play with it when he's done." "I could play in the sandbox by myself." "We could build something together." "We could put the truck away." And again, depending on the situation and the ages of the children involved, a little more or less prompting might need to happen, but again, try to avoid the wide net of, "Hey, why don't you just do this!" Making some gentle suggestions for the kids to consider/or throw away gives them the agency to choose and again, work to fix it themselves.
Finally, I like to ask if the children are okay before we take off into our next adventure. Sometimes we hug it out. This last piece is like that contractual handshake: "Do you agree to the terms of this agreement we just made?" Great...that was tricky, but we got through it, let's go play.
Other things to think about in helping children navigate conflict include the following:
- Sometimes a child is just so worked up by the situation that trying to guide them through what's happening will be ineffective. In moments like this, it can be good to take a little space, and some deep breaths. If the child isn't put off by having you near, offer to take some of those breaths together. When they are more calm, then you can chat.
- If a child is hitting or biting, or very close to that kind of behavior, you can simply say, "I'm not going to let you hit/bite." You can put your hand between the children to stop that. As mentioned before, these things aren't okay, and the children need to hear and understand that firm boundary.
- When are apologies meaningless? When they are forced. "Say your sorry" is another common adult mantra in conflict resolution. It's not super effective and strips the weight out of those words. You can encourage a child to "say sorry" if they are feeling truly sorry. But, telling a child to "say you're sorry to them" reinforces that the child can behave badly, then be absolved with a quick and meaningless, "sorry!" Instead, going through the process of conflict resolution can be more important, and "stick" so to speak.
And for more reading on this topic, check out a recent blog post by Janet Lansbury. Her article is a helpful one, although not entirely focused on conflict resolution so much as it gets at generally supporting toddlers in social situations.
Classroom Happenings
Infant I: It feels like our younger infants are reaching new milestones weekly. With more movement and crawling, we are seeing a real burst in the socialization between peers. The older children are practicing more with following directions in getting ready to go outdoors or come inside. Many are helping one another in the process, bringing boots and coats over to peers. Songs and singing are still another area of high interest.
Infant II: We are focusing on the "big four" in our classroom: 1. Walking feet inside, 2. Hands to ourselves, 3. Inside voices in the classroom, and 4. Pick up after ourselves. We have been enjoying dancing outdoors, especially some waltzing. We have plenty of children trying out the potty, many with success! The children have been very watchful of their older peers during time out back, they watch their play and adventures carefully.
Toddler I: We continued our exploration of caterpillars and butterflies this week. We are collecting flexible sticks and materials to make a large butterfly model for our room. We read the book, If You Find a Rock and collected a variety of smaller stones and pebbles. We have been challenging ourselves with harder puzzles, and have been really working on our potty skills. Lots of us are in various phases of wearing underwear, or sitting on the potty.
 |
| A caterpillar in it's chrysalis |
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| Then transforming into a butterfly! |
Toddler II: Keep those house photos coming! The children love talking about the houses. We've been working with watercolor a lot this week and are very focused on mixing colors, cleaning our brushes properly and using different strokes on the paper. We started seeds this week for our school garden including sunflowers and purple pole beans and also planted a hanging basket for out front.
As Seen at MVS
Thanks for Reading
-Sam
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